Is That a Bear Trap? No no, i said Can You Hear That?!

I would say that it feels like someone is drilling a hole in my head, but if this were true, I would have a release of pressure. My dang ear is giving me a fit. Ah the ears, a battle I have had lifelong. I was hard of hearing consistently until around 12, I still have issues with my hearing levels at times. Currently, I hear far better out of the left side versus the right. I need to follow up with an ENT. It is just pure stubbornness on my part I avoid it at all costs, it was such a huge unpleasant part of my childhood. I spent most of the early years hearing things wrong, not hearing some things at all, and because it was a eustachian malfunction of sorts I was not a candidate for hearing aids because I kept so much fluid in my ears a device couldn’t improve that. I spent so much time and still do at times hearing as if I am underwater.

I used to laugh hysterically at wrong lyric videos because that was my whole life, I still laugh. I heard so much stuff wrong. I had my eardrums nearly rupture more times than I can count and later in life one of them did and maybe has again judging by the way it feels currently. My hearing ability suffered so much when I was young I wonder why sign language wasn’t a tool that I was suggested it was that severe at times. Even though at present I typically at my best fall just barely beneath the normal hearing range on at least one side I still have issues with background noise being too loud. From birth until 12 I consistently didn’t hear a lot of the background noise and some were very muffled so, in the part of life where we naturally learn to tune things out, I didn’t. It is why I cannot tune things out to this day. A lot of background noise is pure torment to me. I can tell you what type of chips you are eating from another room, I hear every crunch every crinkle of the wrapper. Add-in kids playing, yelling, a tv, a game streaming, maybe some music elsewhere and I hear it all separately, and together it is a for sure headache and anxiety boost. Honestly, without being able to take a break from it I typically end up in tears.

I understand completely why some of the deaf and hard of hearing who are candidates for implants may choose not to do so especially at an older age, of course, every individual is different. I imagine as much as I struggle with sound even now that it would be highly overwhelming to those people especially since their hearing impairment was far greater than mine. I imagine sound would be painful even at normal levels and add in the background noise that the majority of the population doesn’t even notice. I can hear the dang train and wake up because of it, it’s miles and miles away the rest of the house doesn’t even notice it. Why don’t you wear earplugs? Well, frequently that is not healthy for anyone and it is not possible it causes pain and irritation not to mention I am more prone to ear infections. Everyone would love for me to be able to just ignore it, accommodate by wearing earplugs, etc, etc. No one is trying to accommodate me. Be a bit quieter, separate the sounds everyone doesn’t need to commune in one room to do separate noisy things while not interacting with one another. I contribute a lot of my anxiety in crowded places to the overwhelming noise it makes it hard to focus at all, I can not think straight. We have our battles in life most are silent or not outwardly noticeable to others, be kind and understanding with others as they may be struggling far more than your eyes can see.