Sadness and Hope

I don’t know if everyone’s heartache feels the same, I am sure it varies. There are times it feels as if every breath that fills the lungs are painful. As if breathing is a chore. The relentless, heavyweight crushing down on your rib cage threatening to crush the bones that cage the broken thing beneath them. When sadness seeps into every cell and weeps through your veins, like a virus that has to run its course, though some heartaches, some sadness is terminal, threatening the life outside of you, the one you are supposed to be living, paralyzing you from the core, consuming you from the inside out.

I rarely even go outside anymore, I have quit doing even the things I love because even when I find scattered fragments of peace I cannot sustain them, they slip through my fingers like water in a stream. I am exhausted from living for moments far and few between. If only I could remember how to shut down and to be numb, a power save mode but that’s what this is a power save mode because it allows you to function at a less than capacity. I am someone who is often accused of being uncaring and unkind when in fact I feel so strongly, so deeply everything. Maybe that’s why I shy away from the world especially in times of heartache, to preserve hope. Hope is the last thing a person loses. Hope sustains us more than love more than most things. Hope is the possibility of happier days ahead, of better, hope is everything, in hope lies endless potential. Hope is the most underrated of all human emotions, it is the emotion that drives a person in their darkest place to claw their way back into the light. I get tired of dwelling in deep dark caverns alone but I have been doing it so long now, I don’t even know how to walk along with someone that has a light.

Published by izzysconfessions

I was born and raised in the smallest of towns in Southwest Virginia. A town that is extraordinarily active, yet a town that is like it's very own little mini Bible belt. My dad was Baptist, my mom pentecostal, and I'm paranormal. I would venture to say it is somewhat of a family trait. One that is met with equal acceptance and curiosity as much as it is met with skepticism. Individually and collectively so much has been experienced and witnessed at times to such a degree that one might wonder how on earth there is room for doubt. I dont have all the answers, I do not have it all figured out. Im as human as everyone else relying heavily many mornings on a lot of coffee and a little Jesus. In fact, I can't decide what I want for dinner most days. One constant is I cannot go a single day without chocolate. Pour a cup of coffee, or a little tea and whiskey and join me in my confessions of a haunted freak.

3 thoughts on “Sadness and Hope

  1. After a horrible period of anxiety in 8th grade, Energy saver mode now seems to be my default. Something to do with critical period of development I suppose. I couldn;t stand feeling everything so certain centers of my brain just shut themselves off… Is my theory. Anyway, it makes me an aloof, tired piece of shit most days. I feel so numb, and callous towards other people. But deep down I always know my heart is still there. And that gives me hope😏

    Liked by 1 person

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