Small steps are better than no steps. It was brought to my attention that I likely have ADHD and it makes sense. So much sense. I never realized that people didn’t all have content thoughts and impulses. It was first mentioned in class that I get bored easily and then I start cleaning. I get bored easily in general and I have not the best focus my medication helps a little but is not specifically geared toward this. Then my mom said gosh your mind goes 100 miles an hour constantly doesn’t it. Uh, doesn’t everyone’s? It’s why I struggle to complete tasks before I was unable to even start them sooo that is an improvement. I do work on multiple projects constantly and bounce around.
It works great for ideas, I have so many days not too great for putting them into action or seeing them to completion. It is also why I need frequent breaks from people and things or routines if things get too routine it feels like a slow death. I guess it’s why I work well in fast-paced environments and I do well in emergencies my brain quickly assesses and I am good at thinking on my feet. There are positives and negatives to everything. I guess it is also why I cannot do silent meditation and hate a lot of background noise I can not focus at all. It is exhausting some days to be unable to slow things down to just have a moment where my head stops constantly analyzing. I think I am going to follow up with my doctor because now that I am aware I may be able to find a way to function better or maybe I can find new coping techniques.
Despite all the changes in my life lately and some questionable luck, I feel optimistic about my future. I feel some great things on the horizon. I got some divine direction and I am grateful. I am grateful for many things regardless of struggles. This morning I soaked up the sparkle of the morning dee on the grass and the fog between layers of trees. I wonder how many people take just a moment to look at the simple beautiful things we take for granted daily. Snow is beautiful it looks like miles of sparkling glitter. Pictures never do it justice it just doesn’t capture all the sparkle like tiny diamonds. Nature’s miracles are all around and they are reminders to believe in miracles and that anything is possible.