There’s plenty of paranormal going on but I’m more focused on the new normal. A year after my dad’s passing I am still watching the changes. Some I saw coming from a mile away. Watching as with his passing, the family foundation shift. I have been watching as the cracks form. They are widening and the house will someday fall. It isn’t as if there was much to be left behind anyway, and even if there were I think the divides begin sometimes not so much over stuff, but over the moves, some make to acquire the stuff however small. I think some people see only their grief and their pain and forget the impact the others feel as well.
For me, my family still had some of that old-fashioned vibe of boys having somewhat of more value. That really sucks as a female. You see the differences some subtle, some not so much. Having your grandmother tell you she favors your brothers nearly every time you see her really drives that home. Literally looked me in the eyes and said but those two boys they are really something special, not to mention this statement dismissed not just myself but another brother and my sister. Family inheritance, not the females, it was never an option for us. That was made clear from the time we were young, so it was slightly entertaining to see some of the strife when that came about, people fighting over something that was never theirs.
People always wondered how it was when I was younger that I just up and left, with little notice, and more or less just caught a plane and stayed gone for a little more than 3 years, in truth I was not on board with moving back, I missed my siblings and my parents, but as far as feeling truly part of the family, not really. I was not the Blacksheep, my oldest brother had claimed that title at one point, I was more of a leopard print sheep, that didn’t ever quite fit in where I grew up. Not exactly rebellious just more of a spirited sort of round peg in a dull square-shaped world.
I remember once I had grown my hair out from a shoulder-length bob only to have my grandfather try and make me promise I would never cut it again because I was pretty with long hair. I shave my head now. I grew up with outdated views, sideways compliments, and an area set and stagnant in its ways. Here I am back here for many years now, while the beauty and nature of this place can rival any wonders of the world, the ugliness in a rural community with its judgmental views, bigoted attitudes are just as strong in their contrast. Acceptance here is far out of reach, tolerance barely exists. I walk tall in my stilettos and body-hugging attire in a world built for women who keep their mouths shut and wear aprons, or more accurately long ponytails, jeans, and ropers, with the only exceptions being those who are athletic or those who consider themselves upscale in conservative fashion from 30 years ago and not the timeless kind. Here’s to all the round pegs out there, living in a square world, the world is less boring with you in it.
Confessions of a Haunting Freak 