Cheers! Have a toast with me. I’d much prefer a sparkling dessert wine, but for now, this kind of toast will have to do. Not even a toast with jam, or something, just a toast. Right now the two main foods tethering me to life are applesauce and toast and even that burns like a thousand tiny fires in my digestive tract. Shout out to the mommas getting it done this weekend, you are my heroes. Easter is a beast of a family gathering and dinner and I admire all of you spending days and countless hours making it and putting smiles on so many faces.
Extra love to those of you who are kicking it old school and putting in the time to dye countless eggs. Especially, those of you special Earth angels that have the transcendental patience to allow those kids to do it themselves. Seriously, it is amazing. Then you are going to be outside hiding eggs, hoping they find all of the real ones because those rotten eggs in a few days are going to knock you down. It’s so much fun to watch though, isn’t it? There is so much fun and laughter maybe a little sibling rivalry hopefully not too many toddler throwdowns over the same egg. I took a few elbows back in the day and threw a few too. I saw it firrrrrsttttt!!!! But did ya get it first? Honestly, my favorite part was eating the real eggs after and the dresses, yeessss give me that poofy princess 1800s style ballgown and a big hat, and I’ll take an umbrella, some gloves, and a cane. I was really extra considering I was a tomboy.
One year my brother thought it would be the most hilarious thing in the world to put food in some of the eggs. He called me to tell me he was doing it and was laughing so hard he was crying just trying to tell me. It was so hard for him to keep a straight face when the kids started hunting eggs. They grabbed baskets full of eggs and he’s just hanging by a thread then it’s time for them to see what’s inside. They are opening them, I got candy, I got money, and then the first confused sounds followed by ewww it’s a green bean and it’s over he is in stitches. The kids are still opening eggs a prune, some mashed potatoes, corn. Every time the laughter grows but the kids are wary of their eggs now and skeptical of opening them, but he ups the stakes, they all have one egg with a 20 dollar bill in it, but you got to open them to find it. Then it happens the moment he has been waiting for, a kid finds the egg, the one he has taken a tissue and wiped chocolate on, and then the scream but he is hysterical at this point gasping for air. It was not received well by this particular kid so the laughter halted and we wrapped up the egg reveal.
Upon leaving this celebration I was immediately sent off to another Easter celebration so I thought I would take one of the kid’s food eggs and slip it into the next hunt and keep the laughter going. I tell no one watching, anticipating, I’ve placed in one special egg among the countless candy and money-filled eggs. The anticipation is killing me. Then it happens the prune is found and no one laughs, not a smirk, not an ounce of humor in this crowd. Anger, there is anger and interrogation, who did this?! Who put food in an egg? Where did this egg come from? And then I’m laughing hysterically because it has all gone so wrong and the one kid that found it is the one that cannot take a joke like he is raging and he can not let it go. Two hours into dinner everyone has moved on, but he hasn’t he is still talking about that prune and still questioning everyone, everyone, but me. It was a crazy Easter, but still forever a favorite.
Confessions of a Haunting Freak 