Is Respect earned or demanded? It depends on who you ask. I have never understood the concept of demanding something without having something to back it up. Why should someone give you something that you haven’t earned from them just because you said so? It definitely can be a case by case basis where you have put in the effort and proven yourself worthy of others respect. Keep in mind though that just because it has been worked for in one place doesn’t mean it should be freely given in other situations and by other people.
I feel like this issue runs pretty closely with entitlement. I think people have a hard time recognizing some behaviors as entitled versus realistic expectations. Self-respect and entitlement are not the same things. It is not a bad thing to want respect, however, respect and entitlement get swapped out too often. No one has the right to anyone else’s respect. You having a problem with how others interact with you is not a catalyst for demanding to be treated differently in a way that makes you feel better. You are attempting to tell others their behavior is wrong and they need to change it to suit you. What about their perspective and their feelings, you have just dismissed those and declared your needs and feelings superior. Don’t be surprised when this approach isn’t met with open arms and why should it be?
If you keep nagging others to behave a certain way toward you and around you, chances are you are gonna end up with false respect. People just begin to pacify by faking it, and that isn’t respect. People do it in abusive relationships where their partner changes behavior out of fear, it’s not all that different. People will do things to keep from ruffling feathers, especially if it means less stress and drama. If you are chronically saying others don’t respect you enough among other things that is a huge indication that the source of the issue is you and not everyone else.
Self-awareness is important but your self-awareness isn’t at your convenience. This means it isn’t something you practice only when it is beneficial to you. Self-awareness is very uncomfortable if it’s true self-awareness. If every person you have ever had a relationship with intimate or otherwise has ended when it stopped being beneficial to you then there’s an issue within yourself. No one should look back at the majority of their previous relationships and blatantly point the finger at the other people, nothing is that one-sided.
Do you respect yourself? Really and truthfully do you genuinely respect yourself? It’s not the same as self-love. Do you have respect for the way you behave, for the way you treat others? Do you actively practice respecting others yourself? If you are not giving out what you want to receive, then you haven’t earned it. Actions speak louder than words, you can talk shop all day long, but none of it matters if all you do is talk. Show people, doing things out of obligation don’t fit the bill here. This person just did a,b, and c because it was expected, not because they were being genuinely helpful. I can tell my kids they have to pick up but I am more proud when I don’t have to ask and they do it.
In every situation and at every given moment everyone has their own perspective. One person’s feelings and needs never ever outweigh everyone else’s. Everyone has their responsibilities in life and some are struggling to fulfill those as-is, they do not have the time and energy to put into other’s insecurities. Some people don’t say the words thank you, but rather show it. Just as some people don’t constantly say I love you, but rather show it. Your idea of respect doesn’t always jive with others. Your self-worth should never be dependent on others’ behavior. You may be getting plenty of respect from another person’s perspective and maybe your expectations versus the reality of how that should look are the problem. Show kindness and understanding and you will receive it in return. Energy matches energy.